Ticklish Ideas

A salesman came to my door 10 days ago. This never happens, so I let him talk. He was going door to door, he said, with a special offer from Time Warner. My hackles went up - I don't like companies that buy companies that buy companies and have a piece of every market. He went on, "I can offer you a great deal! You can try out cable, the digital tier, and a DVR box for a month, free of charge. Installation is free. What day would you like us to come hook you up?"


Hook me up was right - I felt like I was being offered that free first hit by a drug pusher. I was about to send him on his way, when said, "Are you interested in broadband internet?" Two days later, a cable guy spent an hour in my basement hooking up my computer and my tyrannosauric TV to super-cable. I have everything!

I have watched more movies in the last 4 days than in the previous 6 months. I am finally getting to watch the first season of Malcolm in the Middle. Last night, I discovered I have access to an on-demand channel with AbFab. If I'm posting sporadically, you can guess why.

I hope I can give it up at the end of the free month. I have to give it up at the end of the free month - it takes one and three-quarters days of work at my sh*t wage to earn a month's digital cable payment. Besides, the dog is getting increasingly belligerent about being ignored in favor of the TV, finding socks, potting soil, and stuffed animals to tear to smithereens and spread across the house while I sit there absorbed. There aren't enough hours in the day for TV and real life.

I've noticed that Nicktoons runs two episodes of Animaniacs a day, carefully screening out the episodes that feature allegory for Dubya and Dick. Narf!