10.27.2005
Looking forward to the holidays
(sure I am)
Let's see that angry little girl again.
Over at Kitty's Corner, Kitty shares the memo her grandmother just sent outlining the expectations for family Christmas this year. I've been venting about insane family functions over in her comments since I found the post at lunchtime, and Kitty has been very understanding (thanks, Kitty!).
In the memo, Kitty's grandmother lists several categories of family members and the corresponding gift value for each category. But grown grandchildren don't fit the categories - not that it matters for reasons of gift value and personal gains from attending Christmas. If my stepmother wrote a memo like this, it would totally confirm my feelings of alienation if she listed off family relationships in a way that left me right out. As I just wrote over there: I've had ten years of quasi-adulthood to get used to little kids asking me if, since I'm not anybody's mother, I am an adult or a kid. But I'm always surprised and annoyed when I see the same confused look on the faces of my stepmother and my stepsisters.
Family functions at my dad and stepmom's house are designed for parents and small children (some of the small children are now teenagers but that just means they have been deputized and are now honorary parents, or at least child-herds). 2002 was the first Christmas I had spent with them for six years and I was just barely able to hold it together. The main problem was that I was now an adult and was expecting to fit right in at the adult table. It didn't hit me until that week that although the 6-10-12 year age gap between me and my stepsisters felt less significant at 26 than 11, I still wasn't going to be part of their circle. Certainly not as long as I'm single and not a parent, but probably just-plain-never. It was a shattering insight, particularly as I had just moved 1600 miles back across the country, with "being closer to my family" part of my motivation. (Of course I was much too broke to un-move. I could just about pull it off now . . .) Three years later, no longer shattered, I have adjusted my expectations - I don't expect to bask in sisterly warmth, I expect to be annoyed.
[I want to post this tonight as an apology for taking over Kitty's comments today. Knowing that I'll wish for a less-bitchy tone when I read it tomorrow. So it goes.]
Over at Kitty's Corner, Kitty shares the memo her grandmother just sent outlining the expectations for family Christmas this year. I've been venting about insane family functions over in her comments since I found the post at lunchtime, and Kitty has been very understanding (thanks, Kitty!).
In the memo, Kitty's grandmother lists several categories of family members and the corresponding gift value for each category. But grown grandchildren don't fit the categories - not that it matters for reasons of gift value and personal gains from attending Christmas. If my stepmother wrote a memo like this, it would totally confirm my feelings of alienation if she listed off family relationships in a way that left me right out. As I just wrote over there: I've had ten years of quasi-adulthood to get used to little kids asking me if, since I'm not anybody's mother, I am an adult or a kid. But I'm always surprised and annoyed when I see the same confused look on the faces of my stepmother and my stepsisters.
Family functions at my dad and stepmom's house are designed for parents and small children (some of the small children are now teenagers but that just means they have been deputized and are now honorary parents, or at least child-herds). 2002 was the first Christmas I had spent with them for six years and I was just barely able to hold it together. The main problem was that I was now an adult and was expecting to fit right in at the adult table. It didn't hit me until that week that although the 6-10-12 year age gap between me and my stepsisters felt less significant at 26 than 11, I still wasn't going to be part of their circle. Certainly not as long as I'm single and not a parent, but probably just-plain-never. It was a shattering insight, particularly as I had just moved 1600 miles back across the country, with "being closer to my family" part of my motivation. (Of course I was much too broke to un-move. I could just about pull it off now . . .) Three years later, no longer shattered, I have adjusted my expectations - I don't expect to bask in sisterly warmth, I expect to be annoyed.
[I want to post this tonight as an apology for taking over Kitty's comments today. Knowing that I'll wish for a less-bitchy tone when I read it tomorrow. So it goes.]
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May I suggest http://www.angrylittlegirls.com
I have a tshirt of ALAG (angry little asian girl) featuring a slanty-eyed girl with and exclamation point over her head. It is SO worth the questioning looks ("should I ask her what that means or is it something racially offensive that will make me embarassed?")
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I have a tshirt of ALAG (angry little asian girl) featuring a slanty-eyed girl with and exclamation point over her head. It is SO worth the questioning looks ("should I ask her what that means or is it something racially offensive that will make me embarassed?")
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